Its been months since ive been truly depressed. I felt it had finally gone away, and then the holidays hit. More specifically, Christmas decorating hit. All I want to do is crawl in a hole and bawl. I couldnt help my mother decorate with all her beautiful things. I left the room. These are not my things...This is not my house...I didnt have my fireplace video playing on the TV while my husband and I put up the tree. I didnt have my hot chocolate waiting for me after we were done, or my favorite christmas cd playing. I didnt get to snuggle up with my husband under a blanket and admire a job well done. There were no lights twinkling around the windows..or candles burning in my favorite scents. Just...nothingness. Loneliness. Half of me has disappeared. Will I ever stop loving him? Probably not. Im smart enough to realize, tho, that I cant keep making him my everything, when I was only his option. Still the pain is overwhelming. I feel my little black raincloud hovering over my head once again. Remission over......
