Its about time!!

After being raised around them my entire life...After spending numerous nights camping next to tracks..I was finally taught how to ride a dirt bike yesterday, at age 31. Im a little sore today, and I ruined one shoe thanks to shifting, but it was the best time of my life. I will own one of these...OH YES! I will own one...

Now for something completely random....

The month is almost over! Its been crazy fun, and a little weepy. I have a lot to be thankful for, and a lot on my mind. Here is a taste....

Christmas is over! Wow...that was fast. It was full of games, shopping, and shows. I got socks this year..Yeah, thats it. I love them, tho. Im always cold. My kids got a lot of crap. I miss those days...when I got a lot of crap. We went to Disneyland chrtistmas day, in the rain, and got to see it all lit up and festive. That was cool, (both in the literal sense and in the ooooooh aaaaaw sense.)

I managed not to gain any weight this month.....didnt exactly lose tho, either.

I got plane tickets for Skylar and I. Washington, here we come! Karaoke bars everywhere will be bombarded. I also have two photo shoots lined up with Crystal, which will rock. I'll be doing Film Noir, and Gargoyles. I'll post the pics when they are done.

Ive had the pleasure of meeting new people this month, and getting closer to others. Its been an amazing journey.

Erin has discovered numbers. We cant get her to stop counting to 100..Out loud, or on paper. Its sorta Rain Man-ish.

I got to spoon with my friend Dallas and watch movies...Seems silly to be excited over, but it really gave me warm fuzzies, which ive desperately needed lately. Thanks Dallas!

My room is a perpetual mess. I close my eyes going into it, to keep from crying. haha. I love my kids, but they are monsters.

I found out I have an ovarian cyst. That sucks. Nothing I can do about it, tho.

Scott finally got a job!!! Im so excited I could kiss someone...anyone..no really..any takers?

Ive found myself listening to a lot of mellow 70's music lately, (Emerson Lake and Palmer, Doobie Brothers, Pink Floyd,Bruce Hornsby, Steely Dan..etc..) Its been soothing to my soul. I even have a Dan Fogelberg greatest hits cd...I hide it usually out of shame. I think I need to come outta the closet and scream out 'YES! I LISTEN TO DAN FOGELBERG!' Whew...ok..Now that im embarrassed, I can move on with my life. :0P

Alright, I guess thats all for now. Happy New Year everyone, and lets hope this coming year ROCKS THE CASBAH!

Im 31........

Well my birthday was last Saturday, the 20th. I actually curled up in my bed and cried. Wtf?? Dork...

"Twilight before Christmas"

Hilarious...

Thankful Friday

Ive been so busy testing and wallowing that its become important that I start reminding myself of all the things positive in my life. So here goes!

Im thankful for:

SUPER GLUE! (skylar split her head open, and im in the middle of getting state insurance..when you dont have money for stitches, SUPER GLUE!!!)

FUDGE BROWNIES...xoxoxo

Kylee is visiting this month with Ryder

My talented son

My social daughter

My genius other daughter

Scott sent me a little money this month

My birthday coming up

My vacation to Washington coming up

My blog stories (This time its SURVIVOR using my friends list..read it!! myspace.com/1cosmicgirl)

My fan base for my blog stories

Christmas at Disneyland this year

Skylars hair when curly..so cute!

My friends at school

SCHOOL! and getting a third start in life...(yes third..)

JOGGING

Scouting out decorating projects and furniture for my new apartment, (when i get one)

End of my third MOD this monday at school

Healthy kids

a great DVD collection

Turner Classic Movies...as always

My funky and ecclectic tastes

Eating at the Mesa Grill with a coupon for more then half off..hehe

I will have insurance for my kids very shortly

Build your own Frozen Yogurt stores

Shopping Main Street in downtown Huntington...

Erics performance

December 3rd, Eric performed at the Performing Arts Center in Costa Mesa as a member of the Orange County Mormon Childrens Choir. There was an orchestra, a huge adult choir, childrens choir, Bell musicians, Organist, and it was put together by Julliard professionals. It was prolly the closest thing I will ever get to seeing the actual Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It was GORGEOUS. I was a little nervous about Erics issue with holding still onstage, but he did awesome...That is until the last song. The little girl assigned to stand next to him, apparently had issues of her own holding still, and began to elbow him during Silent Night. He managed to ignore her, until she started to touch his face! I was mortified as my son couldnt contain himself anymore and began to act out funny faces with this girl! People paid $18-$84 to see this performance, and what they got was two little 7 year olds, smack dead in the center of the choir acting like goons. Fabulous! Despite this tiny set back, the Christmas concert was very successful (sold out show!) and absolutely phenomenal. I almost cried. It was a true moment for me as a mother to witness my son be apart of something so wonderful. It was 4 months of hard work, and Im so glad he got to be apart of it. His Gma Lish even hopped on a train from Washington to support him. We are so blessed. Now if we can just make it thru his first piano receital on Monday, life will be great again. hehe. Here are some pictures we snuck in. Click on the pictures to see them close up. You have to see it in its huge form to get the full effect. Eric is the blonde, slightly to the left from the middle, second row.

Remission over....

Its been months since ive been truly depressed. I felt it had finally gone away, and then the holidays hit. More specifically, Christmas decorating hit. All I want to do is crawl in a hole and bawl. I couldnt help my mother decorate with all her beautiful things. I left the room. These are not my things...This is not my house...I didnt have my fireplace video playing on the TV while my husband and I put up the tree. I didnt have my hot chocolate waiting for me after we were done, or my favorite christmas cd playing. I didnt get to snuggle up with my husband under a blanket and admire a job well done. There were no lights twinkling around the windows..or candles burning in my favorite scents. Just...nothingness. Loneliness. Half of me has disappeared. Will I ever stop loving him? Probably not. Im smart enough to realize, tho, that I cant keep making him my everything, when I was only his option. Still the pain is overwhelming. I feel my little black raincloud hovering over my head once again. Remission over......

Fun with Sara...

I just got some photos in the mail that my friend Hans took of Sara and I last summer. We were going for the vintage mechanics look, but then got sucked into posing in gardens, on railroads, and doing other various non-mechanic stuff instead. (*teehee.) Still, the pics are very cute and I love the memories behind them. I'll never forget that trip up north.

Im having a moment.......

Im deeply smitten....

Halloweeeeeeeen!

Halloween in Huntington Beach is RAD. We took the kids trick or treating Main Street this year, and they said it was the best Halloween they ever had. All the shops were handing out candy. There were huge blow-up slides and a rock climbing blow-up (which Eric HAD to try..) set up in the middle of the street..Everybody was decked to the hilt in costumes. Nightmare Before Christmas songs were blaring from the clock tower in the middle of Main, while Werewolves and Skeletons walked around on stiltz for our entertainment. Lets not forget the Roller Derby girls on skates!!! Vendors, food, and candy galore! It was amazing.. Next year im going back dressed as a female cop. I got the handcuff earrings! LOL. I should be small enough to wear the outfit by then. I have a goal! haha..Enjoy

The older I get...

My friend Jon posted a blog in regards to how he feels about things, the older he gets. I thought it was a great idea for a blog. So here is my list...

"The older I get, the more I......"

Am determined to find a good man..
Want to finish school and feel successful for the first time in my life..
Need affection..
Worry about my kids..
Love avacadoes..
Laugh to relieve stress
Realize bitterness is stupid
Enjoy exersising
Want to be worthy of blessings..
Come out of my shell..
Want to make sure my kids have every opportunity they can..
Tolerate onions..hehe
Enjoy reading..
Expand my musical tastes..
Understand how the "plan" works in relation to ME personally..
Forgive..
Chill, because stressing does NOTHING
Learn
See a silver lining..
Try to stay young..
Obsess about how my body is changing..
Need to feel loved..
Need sleep
Love to dance..
Yearn to travel..
Understand Seinfeld jokes
Forget things..
Hate to be told what to do..
Want to be respected..
Get into debt..
Enjoy a nice grilled cheese sammich..
LOVE cars
Want to ride a dirtbike
Need a good massage!!!

I just wanna DANCE!

Last friday night was the midsingles dance in Santa Monica to celebrate Halloween. It was so much fun! Ive never seen a dance so packed. My friend Jon was the DJ so I thought id go hang with him for the evening. I went as a Big Hair band groupie. My hair was ratted huge,(as usual,) and I sported a lovely mini jean skirt, heels, leggings, leg warmers, an AC/DC shirt, a VIP pass, handcuff earrings, and more bracelets then you can imagine..I also put a fake "BRETT FOREVER" tattoo up my forearm. The costumes at the dance were amazing! I was so impressed. I wound up talkin to, and dancing most of the night, with Jons friend Aaron. We hit it off pretty good. The dance finally wound down around 13am after the cops were called, twice..Here are a few pictures.

Thankful thursday, back on track!

Ok its time to get things back the way i originally had them..Ive been so busy tryin to make it thru school, bein a mom, and dealing with lifes emotional curve balls, that ive neglected so much of the things i love. blogging being one of them..im happy to get back to it.

Im thankful to be getting into a groove with my new teacher..now if only i could open my Pathology book without puking.

Im thankful for the girls in my class, cuz we've bonded and have private jokes. haha

I was asked out on a date for next friday..Im nervous as all get out. Hes a bit older, which freaks me out, but im not letting that stop me from a night out. Hes really nice, so i figured what the heck. Plus he has a sail boat and plays in a classic rock band. haha

JOGGING MAKES ME HAPPY...i seriously wish my middle would slim down tho..

Today we have to wear tight revealing clothing to school, so we can study our bodies..this would ordinarily freak me the hell out. Im thankful it doesnt, even tho i still dislike how i look. Im feelin ok about it...

I love how skylar looks in pigtails

Run Fat Boy Run is a hilarious movie...i snorted and cackled uncontrolably.

I love reading my friend Jons blog..(disco pimp)..he makes me smile with his short little remarks and great pictures.

I spent a good part of the week at the pool with my kids in the heat..I love it here. And im tan...

Kasi is finally getting a divorce, (for the 3rd attempt)...I think she has finally seen the light and its gunna happen this time. Believe me, this is a good thing. She deserves some happiness and faithfulness.

They make tiny ben and jerrys icecreams! They are so friggin cute!! And very tastey. Perfect size for my kids during movie night.

THANKFUL THANKFUL!

Its been waaaaaaaaaay too long since I did a thankful thursday. So thankful monday will have to suffice. Its been an amazing month filled with highs and lows. Ive met some awesome people and hope to meet many more that i can call friends. Heres my list!

Im thankful for:

Singles dances..tho sometimes full of old people in toupes, I cant help but shake my groove thang. I need the release.

Ldslinkup and all the friends ive made on there.

Finding peace with my ex. I no longer feel weird knowing he has a girlfriend, or even that its someone I dont care for. I no longer feel anger or resentment towards my ex sister in law, and even sent her an invitation to my sons concert.

Erics concert!!! He is in the Orange county childrens choir and is preparting for the christmas concert at the Performing Arts Center in Costa Mesa. Full orchestra, and Julliard professionals. Im very excited. He loves it and is doing so well.

Hearing Eric play piano. He is doing sooo well. He is trying to play both hands now and even pulls out the hymn books to see if he can play the notes.

JOGGING!! i try to jog every day and its done wonders for my body getting smaller. I just wish it would firm up..

SCHOOL!! im having the best time going to school and am doing really well so far. The girls are wonderful. My teacher is awesome and so full of knowledge. I know these months will go by quickly.

Thin crust pizza...need i say more?

Tunes I can groove to.

I was able to get out to a bike track finally!! havent done that in 8 years! Felt good to get on the back of dads dirt bike and go take some pictures.

Little girls hair bows. I love seeing my girls look pretty.

Eric with a book. He is a total book worm and always has a little novel on him at all times.

Thats all for now! I'll be back lata...

ENLIGHTENMENT!!

I LOVE MY NEW CLASS!! My teacher is the most awesome guy ever and he is so freaking smart about holistic and homeopathic medicine, which makes more sense to me then normal medical practices. I much prefer natural approaches and organic treatments to anything else...The body is natural, it needs natural things to function properly. Easy logic.

ANYWAY!! I was enlightened last night upon learning about the digestive system..as well as the liver and gallbladder functions. My gallbladder was removed 7 years ago, and ive been a mess ever since, not realizing why. NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!! Doctors never took the time to explain the gallbladder function and why its important. They just took it out and said I wouldnt need it. Booo. Well without it the body isnt able to absorb fats, and the essential vitamins needed for proper body function are now unable to get absorbed (doesnt matter how healthy i eat, the nutrients go right thru me.) Key symptoms of this are extreme irritability and rage issues (which i seem to be getting worse with,) horribly dry skin (i flake like crazy, and my girly well dried up years ago..ugh!!) and extreme difficulty losing weight. WHAT??? So this is why i cant get below a size 12 even tho i exersise daily?? FINALLY AN ANSWER!! I feel totally enlightened. He also told me what I needed to do to fix myself...OX BILE. Comes in capsul form, not expensive, and i will have to take it for the rest of my life to maintain a healthy status. Basically it will do for me what my gallbladder was suppose to. I cant wait to see if it works, and how my moods will change. I also want my girly parts back in working order, damnit. LOL. Hope this helps anybody out there who may have this same issue. VIOLA!

my quest!

Here is my progress so far in the weight loss department. I still have about 30 pounds to go. Im down to 165 now, and things are goin pretty well. Id like to tone up more then anything at this point. im getting smaller but im still a jiggly mess of stretch marks and cellulite..only now i dont have the fat to fill it in with. ugh. being a woman really sucks sometimes. I started jogging and i love it. i wish i could do it more often, but its hard while pushing a stroller. haha. I'll post another pic in a month to see what things are lookin like by that point, also. wish me luck!

Twilight zone....

Ive been on a few LDS dating sites since my divorce just to see whats out there and I have to say that im a little baffled. Almost everybody seems to be single in Utah..why cant you people find each other?? Also, from an outsiders perspective it would infact look as if we were a cult, or our own culture entirely made up of wannabe Californians (fake blondes, manicures, fake tans, and Holister/Abercrombie wearers)..And whats with the Jack Johnson obsession?? Its like a twilight zone..not Zion! LOL. Its been hysterical. Everyone is the same (guys and girls)..Its a little creepy. Anyway I just had to share these thoughts because they've been plaguing me. Ive been checked out by hundreds of guys and theyve all been like clones of each other. Weirdo-rama! Will I ever find a guy who likes a curvy bodied, natural brunette, that enjoys all music and might show her enthusiasm with a swear word every now and then? c'mon guys!

Happy Birthday Skylar Paige!

Today my baby turns 3! Where has the time gone? I cant believe my last child is potty trained, well learned, and socially excellent. I am proud to be her momma, even if she is a stinker. She is with her dad for her birthday, 2 states away, and im aching inside. I know she is having fun and i'll see her next week. I miss my girl so much. Here are a few things about her that I love.

1.) She is the smartest 3 year old ive ever met.
2.) She is goofy!! I mean really goofy...
3.) She has the tiniest feet
4.) You wont expect the rough, raspy, low voice that comes out of her.
5.) She loves to dress up like a princess, and tote around a light saber.
6.) She will banter with you like an adult, giving off her oppinions
7.) She LOVES nursery in church
8.) She loves to sing
9.) She adores her big brother
10.) She has huge teeth! haha
11.) She has sensitive feelings
12.) She loves to play drums and guitar

Fashion Faux Pas

Today for church I put on my favorite black pencil skirt that fit me oh so fine..nice and tight like a corset. I LOVED this skirt. I wear it with my 3 and a half inch heels which make my calves look oh so fine, and off I go! Today during sacrament meeting I had to pee...so I get up and go. Thats when I notice that my zipper has busted, leaving it attached at the top, but split open all the way down past my butt. CRAP!!! I have to head home leaving my kids and parents in their pew. Once I get home, I realize that I cant get the sucker off! Its too tight to slip above my head, and too tight to go below my hips..Im stuck. So I sit around with board shorts on the rest of the two hours, and my pencil skirt which is now cinched up at my waist, waiting for my mom to come home and help me out. She had to cut it off of me. Im so bummed cuz i freaking loved that skirt. Its been one heck of a day, followed by a family friend nearly choking to death on our patio..I'll save that story for another time, tho. How was everybody elses holiday weekend?

My pout session

Feel free to skip over this section if you dont want to hear my pout..I just needed an outlet without actually dragging others into my personal crisis. As you all well know, im newly divorced. Ive felt pretty betrayed this year on more then one occassion, and I just want my life to settle back into a nice normal routine..especially emotionally. I dont want anybody to feel like this rant is aimed towards them in any way..I realize that this is all MY issue, and everyone else is living life accordingly. My ex has found himself a girlfriend..which is fine. I really sincerely wish him all the best of luck in the world where he can find love and happiness....My beef, however, is that it happens to be a girl who hates my guts and relishes in my unhappiness. I can just see her laughing inside at that fact that she has the man who gave me up. (She was already flirting with him the day we announced our seperation.) I could ignore this...BUT she has now begun to infultrate my best friends. I know that she will have to be around them; I know that she will be aquainted with them in some ways; but the fact that she tries to buddy up with these people and send them cutesy messages really urks me. I know its not my friends fault...they are being courteous. I just wish that my ex could understand that enough is enough, where my hurt is emotionally. Is nothing sacred anymore? Is there no such thing as loyalty? I know this prolly sounds really stupid and unjustified..but its how im feeling right now and I cant control it. I'll prolly look back on it in a few months and go, daaaang, youre stupid! LOL. I already had my husband stolen away by a girl who hated me and wanted to infultrate my life..this just feels like a second hard blow with another girl who has always had it out for me. My ex told me to get over myself. I know i'll get over it...I just need to be sad for a minute.

Time to reclaim my independence!

Monday I start school for the first time since 1996. I think im gunna be sick, yet im also very excited. I feel too old to be starting over again in life, but its finally time I try something ive always been curious about. Im going to be a Massage Therapist and Holistic Healthcare Practitioner. Notice I said "im going to be?" Thats right, im determined to do well at this and have fun! I will be taking night classes monday thru thursday, so I have my weekends free, and I can be a mom during the day. This makes me extremely happy. I have about 14 months of schooling, which seems like a lifetime, but it will go by quickly, I have no doubt. I am doing the degree program in an actual medical college, not just accessing a little diploma out of a strip mall complex. Please pray for me, as im sure i'll need all the help I can get when it comes time to learn anatomy and physiology. Hopefully Im not in a class with all 18 year olds...Please Lord, throw me a bone, here! LOL. Wish me luck!

Washington trip!~

I just got back from spending two and a half weeks in washington and im freaking exhausted! The 18 hour drive itself wasnt bad at all. I love traveling so it didnt phase me much..Even with two kids in the backseat talking nonstop, and being accosted by swarms of leaping crickets during the nightly bathroom breaks at Britney Spears locations of choice...the gas stations. Viva la Roadtrips!

STAYIN WITH SARA- I got to stay with my yang sista, Sara and her familia. I had a BLAST. We chilled, jammed, and played my ever beloved Scattergories and Park and Shop. We watched Anchorman a few times and spent the entire week quoting it to death. We cruised in the Jetta to some funk with the windows rolled down and the bass bumpin. Hans came over so we could get some cool pics taken. The theme this time around was vintage mechanic girls..but I had a falling out with my ex so getting the cars I had inmind sorta fell thru. We went to the train yard instead. I desperately tried to make some overly elaborate memories..even attempting my hand at getting arrested. Sara was there to burst my bubble and real me back to reality. Sigh* Instead we went around Tacoma and took pictures of those who WERE getting arrested.



I thought my moment had finally come for some domestic violence back at Saras, as her brothers got into a fight, where they proceeded to beat each other unmercifully with shoes. Plans were foiled again as they wound up making up and ran to get lunch together..No cops were called, and no shoes were seriously harmed. Here are some pics of my stay with the Sachas.













BEACH ADVENTURES-I also got to hang out with my twin brother from another muther..Russ. We drove for like 12 hours one day cruising the Olympic Peninsula looking for secluded beaches, cool towns, and even hunting down Washingtons largest Spuce tree..At one point a corner store merchant tried to lure us to some hot springs, which made us raise some eyebrows..Weird yokels..I spent three days total with Russ. We went and saw Step Brother, tried not to get pooped on by low flying seagulls at CI Shenanigans while eating moderate to high priced sandwiches on the waterfront. On our third outting we went to Chuckanut in Bellingham for some fun with tide pools...I fell of course and got gross. We hiked..then got trapped at the top of a cliff..had to slide down it almost on my butt..then found ourselves on the other side of a chainlink fence. Finally, I can get arrested for trespassing! Nope..again not to be so..Fence hopping is always fun though. I found myself trapped on the top of the chainlink (damn short legs of mine), and needed to sit on Russes shoulders to get down..A little awkward, and sweaty. hehe.
















KARAOKE- For those of you who didnt come to karaoke you missed out! We had soooo much fun as usual. I attempted to sing White Rabbit for the first time, and actually did alright! I shocked myself. After that, whenever I stood up to sing, a gaggle of bruthas would chant my name as I approached the stage. When we all would stand to sing as a group, these dudes would grab their chairs and sit at the edge of the stage like they expected us to lap dance or something. Sara almost gave that to them..She had her own fanbase that night. haha. Upon leaving the stage, both Kasi and Shawna got kissed by some black chick uberfan. Amazing! Its nice to be appreciated by strangers. haha.




WEEK 2..HELL WEEK- This is where my story takes a different turn...I was asked to leave my sisters house mid week with my kids..so we had to bombard Sara again. Lots of Douchebaggery happened on the part of my bro in law, so staying with them was no longer an option . Then I was without internet for 4 days!! Freaking hell!!!. Saturday we loaded up the truck Jed Clampett style, and attempted to head back..2 hours down the road our fuel pump module broke leaving us stranded. Back to Kasis we headed...for three more days. Tuesday finally came and we got the heck outta dodge. Around 2am and only 6 hours from home, our wooden rails that were built to house my crap, broke and flew off, along with my favorite ottoman, a carseat, and whatever else was leaned up against it. thank heavens we were the only ones on the road. Im really sad over that ottoman....freaking loved that thing. *sigh.







I had quite the adventure..but 2 weeks was tooo long. Cant wait to revisit, but I think i'll be flying next time.