Remission over....

Its been months since ive been truly depressed. I felt it had finally gone away, and then the holidays hit. More specifically, Christmas decorating hit. All I want to do is crawl in a hole and bawl. I couldnt help my mother decorate with all her beautiful things. I left the room. These are not my things...This is not my house...I didnt have my fireplace video playing on the TV while my husband and I put up the tree. I didnt have my hot chocolate waiting for me after we were done, or my favorite christmas cd playing. I didnt get to snuggle up with my husband under a blanket and admire a job well done. There were no lights twinkling around the windows..or candles burning in my favorite scents. Just...nothingness. Loneliness. Half of me has disappeared. Will I ever stop loving him? Probably not. Im smart enough to realize, tho, that I cant keep making him my everything, when I was only his option. Still the pain is overwhelming. I feel my little black raincloud hovering over my head once again. Remission over......

Fun with Sara...

I just got some photos in the mail that my friend Hans took of Sara and I last summer. We were going for the vintage mechanics look, but then got sucked into posing in gardens, on railroads, and doing other various non-mechanic stuff instead. (*teehee.) Still, the pics are very cute and I love the memories behind them. I'll never forget that trip up north.

Im having a moment.......

Im deeply smitten....

Halloweeeeeeeen!

Halloween in Huntington Beach is RAD. We took the kids trick or treating Main Street this year, and they said it was the best Halloween they ever had. All the shops were handing out candy. There were huge blow-up slides and a rock climbing blow-up (which Eric HAD to try..) set up in the middle of the street..Everybody was decked to the hilt in costumes. Nightmare Before Christmas songs were blaring from the clock tower in the middle of Main, while Werewolves and Skeletons walked around on stiltz for our entertainment. Lets not forget the Roller Derby girls on skates!!! Vendors, food, and candy galore! It was amazing.. Next year im going back dressed as a female cop. I got the handcuff earrings! LOL. I should be small enough to wear the outfit by then. I have a goal! haha..Enjoy

The older I get...

My friend Jon posted a blog in regards to how he feels about things, the older he gets. I thought it was a great idea for a blog. So here is my list...

"The older I get, the more I......"

Am determined to find a good man..
Want to finish school and feel successful for the first time in my life..
Need affection..
Worry about my kids..
Love avacadoes..
Laugh to relieve stress
Realize bitterness is stupid
Enjoy exersising
Want to be worthy of blessings..
Come out of my shell..
Want to make sure my kids have every opportunity they can..
Tolerate onions..hehe
Enjoy reading..
Expand my musical tastes..
Understand how the "plan" works in relation to ME personally..
Forgive..
Chill, because stressing does NOTHING
Learn
See a silver lining..
Try to stay young..
Obsess about how my body is changing..
Need to feel loved..
Need sleep
Love to dance..
Yearn to travel..
Understand Seinfeld jokes
Forget things..
Hate to be told what to do..
Want to be respected..
Get into debt..
Enjoy a nice grilled cheese sammich..
LOVE cars
Want to ride a dirtbike
Need a good massage!!!

I just wanna DANCE!

Last friday night was the midsingles dance in Santa Monica to celebrate Halloween. It was so much fun! Ive never seen a dance so packed. My friend Jon was the DJ so I thought id go hang with him for the evening. I went as a Big Hair band groupie. My hair was ratted huge,(as usual,) and I sported a lovely mini jean skirt, heels, leggings, leg warmers, an AC/DC shirt, a VIP pass, handcuff earrings, and more bracelets then you can imagine..I also put a fake "BRETT FOREVER" tattoo up my forearm. The costumes at the dance were amazing! I was so impressed. I wound up talkin to, and dancing most of the night, with Jons friend Aaron. We hit it off pretty good. The dance finally wound down around 13am after the cops were called, twice..Here are a few pictures.

Thankful thursday, back on track!

Ok its time to get things back the way i originally had them..Ive been so busy tryin to make it thru school, bein a mom, and dealing with lifes emotional curve balls, that ive neglected so much of the things i love. blogging being one of them..im happy to get back to it.

Im thankful to be getting into a groove with my new teacher..now if only i could open my Pathology book without puking.

Im thankful for the girls in my class, cuz we've bonded and have private jokes. haha

I was asked out on a date for next friday..Im nervous as all get out. Hes a bit older, which freaks me out, but im not letting that stop me from a night out. Hes really nice, so i figured what the heck. Plus he has a sail boat and plays in a classic rock band. haha

JOGGING MAKES ME HAPPY...i seriously wish my middle would slim down tho..

Today we have to wear tight revealing clothing to school, so we can study our bodies..this would ordinarily freak me the hell out. Im thankful it doesnt, even tho i still dislike how i look. Im feelin ok about it...

I love how skylar looks in pigtails

Run Fat Boy Run is a hilarious movie...i snorted and cackled uncontrolably.

I love reading my friend Jons blog..(disco pimp)..he makes me smile with his short little remarks and great pictures.

I spent a good part of the week at the pool with my kids in the heat..I love it here. And im tan...

Kasi is finally getting a divorce, (for the 3rd attempt)...I think she has finally seen the light and its gunna happen this time. Believe me, this is a good thing. She deserves some happiness and faithfulness.

They make tiny ben and jerrys icecreams! They are so friggin cute!! And very tastey. Perfect size for my kids during movie night.